Posted on January 12, 2021
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When I was 27, I got divorced. It left me full of self-doubt. Quitting on my marriage of 2 years had me wallowing in so much shame that I truly believed I wasn’t worthy of feeling good ever again. Showing myself any form of self-love came with heaps of guilt and a side of resentment. It started really taking its toll when I was no longer able to show up for my loved ones because I was barely showing up for myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all. Luckily, with the help of a lot of mentors, I was able to climb out of that hole I was living in and fell in love with myself again.
Have you ever experienced similar negative thought patterns? Maybe you’re going through a low time in your life right now or just want to work on feeling a little bit better? Like me, you are probably in need of more than just self-care tips (although I have some of those too!) – you need to get to the root of the problem! This post will leave you fully equipped with mindset shift tips for growing deeper in love with yourself and reminders of ways to show yourself a little tender loving care. Let's dive in!
Stop Judging Yourself & Others
Have you ever seen someone wearing an outfit and thought it was hideous, or too revealing, or too “out there”? Initially, your ego probably got a little boost thinking that it is better than the person wearing the “misguided” garments. However, that feeling likely didn’t last. In fact, you probably felt kind of crappy after the fact. That is because when you’re judging, your energy goes down – you lower your energetic vibration. When you’re experiencing the judgment of yourself or others, you are in a state of insecurity and vulnerability.
Gabrielle Bernstein describes judgment as a separation from love (she has a great book on this called Judgment Detox). When we’re separated from love, we feel unsafe, so we react by attacking and judging in an attempt to protect ourselves. The truth is, what we dislike in others is a reflection of something we don’t like in ourselves. People unintentionally trigger what is hurting us. Instead of us accepting the reality of the (usually unconscious) pain, we deflect it and it shows up as judgment.
When you feel judgment come up, ask yourself what is triggering that response and work through what comes up. Release the negative feelings towards yourself or the other person. Not only will this build up your energy and give you confidence, but it will also help you heal old wounds and connect you back to love.
Start Giving Grace
Give yourself some grace! You seem like someone who gives yourself a hard time about everything. You work hard, but never feel like you’re doing as much as you “should” be. How do I know this? Because most of us are that way! Trust me, I am the poster child!
One of the greatest forms of love you can give to yourself is grace. Trying to be perfect, please everyone, and accomplish everything is exhausting and not realistic. When you feel that self-judgment come up, give yourself some grace, and release it. Have a moment of gratitude to counteract those feelings. How can you be grateful for this moment you’re in?
Stop Sabotaging Yourself
Tell me if this sounds like you – you have a desire for something and immediately tell yourself it’s not possible. Sound familiar? You might say things like, “I want to lose 10 pounds… but it’s never going to happen” or “I wish I could go on a vacation… but I’ll never have the money to afford one”? Well, you’re right. AND wrong. Let me explain.
Your mind believes what you tell it. So if you’re constantly doubting yourself, and telling your mind that something isn’t going to happen, it won’t. You won’t be open to opportunities that arise to get you to that desire, willing to put in the work it might take, or able to see that maybe what you want is already right there in front of you. A great way to show yourself some love is to be open to the possibility of succeeding.
Start Reminding Yourself That You Are Worthy
When all those negative, blocking thoughts come up, remind yourself that you are worthy to receive. You are worthy of feeling good, receiving love, and abundance, health, money, a vacation, etc. The more you say it, the more you’ll believe it. And the more you truly believe that you are worthy, the more you’ll be guided to whatever it is you’re calling in.
Now, that doesn’t mean you’ll immediately be teleported to a beach somewhere (if only!), but I guarantee the stress and anxiety you might carry surrounding that thing will dissolve and you will be ready to accept what it is you desire.
Stop Saying You’re Fine
When you say you’re fine, you’re most likely denying your true feelings. Are you really “fine” or is what you’re really saying “I’m in my comfort zone”? Because that is usually the case.
I learned of this idea from Mel Robbins’ book of the same name (you can find her book here!) and have been obsessed with it ever since reading it. She also did a TED talk on this, which is my favorite video ever on YouTube (watch it here for some major inspo).
Basically what she says is that we so often function on autopilot. When something comes up that interests us (or even if it's something that has been stirring in us for a while), but it is outside of our norm, our initial reaction is to resist. We try to convince ourselves that not taking action is the best choice because we’re “fine” in our current state.
For instance, maybe you hate your job, but the thought of finding a new job seems like too much effort, so you just say you’re fine and stay in that position.
But, what the heck?! This mindset is the fast track to living a mediocre life. If this sounds like you, show yourself some love and stop saying you’re fine! Get up and do the thing you want to do!
Start Cultivating Joy
One major thing you can start doing to counteract the “fine” and show yourself some love is to start cultivating joy! Take a minute with your journal and write down at least ten things (try for more if you can!) that bring you joy. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. In fact, the smaller the better for this next exercise.
Now, challenge yourself each day to do one thing from your list that brings you joy. One of the things on my joy list is relaxing with a hot beverage. To put this into practice, I might sit on my back deck with a cup of coffee in the morning and watch my dog play in the yard, or sip some herbal tea in bed with a book before turning out the lights in the evening.
If you want to take the challenge a step further, write all the moments that brought you joy that day in your gratitude journal (learn more about my gratitude practice in this post). The more you practice choosing joy, the more joy will choose you.
Show Yourself Some Love by Taking Care of Your Body
I’m not going to tell you to log hours and hours at the gym, or to become a vegan (although either is perfectly fine if that’s your thing!). However, I will say that you MUST move your body for at least 30 minutes every day, and eat fruits and veggies to show yourself some major love!
Adding a 30-60 minute workout to my morning routine has been a game-changer in the way I go about my day. [Read more about my life-changing morning routine here: How to Create a Solid Morning Routine] Like I mentioned, moving your body doesn’t have to be something big – go for a walk, stretch, put on some fun music and dance – anything to get your heart pumping!
If your diet currently consists of way too much junk, but giving that up seems impossible, I’ve got a hack for you! Start by adding a serving or two of fresh fruits and veggies. Over time, transition to smaller portions of the unhealthy foods and larger portions of the nutrient-dense produce. After a while, you’ll even start craving those good-for-you foods! Trust me, once I got my movement and nutrition on track, I started feeling more vibrant and full of energy! What a great way to show yourself some love!
BONUS!! Self Care Supplementation Ideas to Show Yourself Some Love!
Here are a few more suggestions on ways to show yourself some love!
Massage: It might sound cliche to suggest this, but just book an appointment! I treat myself to 90 minutes every month! If you’re in the Nashville area, check out my girl Gretta! Tell her I sent ya! [LINK: Revitalize Your Roots]
Read a physical book: Audio books & E-readers are great too, but I think the disconnect from technology that a physical book affords adds an extra level of serenity.
Get ready: Get up and get dressed. This is important. Even if you aren’t planning on leaving your house or having a video call, put on something that makes you feel good! I promise it will put a pep in your step.
Make time for you: Coordinate with your partner or a friend/family member to watch your kids for a bit, say no to invitations that don’t feel like a good use of your time, or use some of your paid time off at work, but carve out some time to do something you LOVE or have always wanted to try!
Be in nature: Go for a walk, a hike, jump in a lake, or sit on your back deck watching the birds at the feeder that hangs in the tree (this is me – my husband calls me creepy bird lady).
Well there you have it – the things I stopped doing and started doing that helped me strip away the negative thoughts and led me to fall in love with myself again. I hope you feel confident to put these mindset shift tips into action and fall more in love with yourself too! If you need some extra encouragement, connect with me over on Instagram!
